Dirty Thirty

It is almost upon us, my thirtieth birthday. As of Monday, I will have lived for 30 years. It feels like 50! I'm excited because everyone I've talked to has told me that 30-40 is full of self confidence, and ridding yourself of the petty nonsense that troubled you in your 20's. I'm ready to shed all that guilt, body image hang ups, etc.

I'm not delusional, I know there will still be many issues to come. I feel like now, though, I'm officially ready to look back down the hill I've climbed and say goodbye. Maybe even set a few bridges on fire.

The highlight of my twenties was of course, my daughters. Having a child is like realizing that you've had hibernating super powers your whole life. It's as close to a spiritual experience as I've ever (and probably will ever) have.

The other highlight was meeting the group of people that I now count as family, including the gentleman who's blog I've hijacked, and Brett, the one I'm raising my children with. I don't know how I survived so long without friends. They are, as I've said, the family that I feel I've been able to hand pick, and they are my backbone.

So here's to it! Let's drink to:

-new journeys
-no nonsense
-elminating toxic people and environments
-letting go of self hatred
-forgiveness
-believing that we are deserving of all the wonderful things that exist and are to come
-hugs
-validation
and
-no longer hiding emotionally from people that want to love us

This is more than a birthday post. This is me saying that I am ready for what's next. Are you?

xx-C

I think, therefore I am (a fatso)

What the hell is with fat and skinny days?!

One day I will wake up and feel like a billion bucks. I am like, dude, you are so sexy I want to lick you. And then I lick myself. I mean, I can't reach very many things, certainly not anything that would benefit by being licked. But it just does my heart and shoulder good to be appreciated by yours truly in the morning. Skinny bitch of hotness.

Then the next day, when I am still 38% body fat, I feel every single percentage of that. HOLY MOTHER OF CRAP WHY ARE THERE SO MANY ROLLS OF SUBCUTANEOUS FAT EVERYWHERE!? My pants, which fit the day before, have decided to mess with me and now don't button. My muffin top looks more like a portobello mushroom cap. How can the world turn to shit in one day? I will smash the next mirror I see. I am not exaggerating.

Bipolar denial syndrome demands that the third day I will be somewhere in between wanting to hump and kill myself. Stupid self-image issues. Pick a path already.

My own issues I can pretty much deal with. The problem I have is dealing with everyone else's psychoses. How exactly am I supposed to kvetch about my disgusting, lumpy body while talking to someone who is either larger than me OR has extremely worse body image than I do? Rude, is what that is. Or, that's what I think it is when I compliment a skeleton and she complains about her "fat." Oh, really? That flat tummy and bag of bones are gettin' you down? I'm sorry to hear that. I will just finish this donut and unbutton my jeans to be able to breathe the rest of the day. See ya!

The bottom line is no matter what you look like, you hate everything. It's a horrid cycle. I mean, there are some things you like, of course. I'm just saying that after you get what you thought you wanted, you will find something else to hate on. It's the nature of life. Continuous improvement and all that.

So I forgive you skinny, self-hating bitches, and I hope my voluptuous self-hating bitches forgive me for this blog. I also forgive myself for eating too many candy bars. For complaining too often about being fat but never doing any squats. For looking in the mirror with wonder and loathing. For being surprised and uncomfortable when someone compliments me and being vastly disappointed when someone doesn't.

Here's to lovin' the skin you're in (and avoiding reflective surfaces like a vampire when you wake up in one of those moods)!!!

Bring Your Bud to Blog Day! BYB2BD... Catchy.

Quick post:

I dropped the last cleanse diet thing. Four different people told me how dangerous it was and got in my head. Anyways, I am here to announce the first official "Bring Your Bud to Blog" day. No, this isn't about drunken blogging, which may prove to be of some worth (Hemingway did it, guys!) but that's another time.  A good friend of mine suggested that we trade blogs for a day. Was Freaky Friday her inspiration and if so, is she implying that I'm an annoying bucktoothed blond or a crack snorting ginger? Answers to these questions we will never know, but what we do know is that this weekend I will be hosting some different voices on my blog. Who knows what will be said? Tune in and find out! Mathematical!